also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
