If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my liver is dry heaving
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