i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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