i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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