I cannot find my penis.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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