Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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