The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
