I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
