So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
