we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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