My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
