My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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