Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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