hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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