Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
