I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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