1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
