u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
