my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
