Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
