Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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