i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize