Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
