My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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