If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
