I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
