Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
