Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
