Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
