So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
