he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
