Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
