Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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