dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
