a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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