I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
