There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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