cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
