So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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