my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
