Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
