Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
