The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
