Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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