Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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