hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
