I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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