just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish i was in the wii world.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
