she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
