I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
