Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
