the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
