note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize