Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
