I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
