so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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