when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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