he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
