I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
