Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im part way to drunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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