We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
