i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
