He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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