Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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